My thoughts are with you. I do have some idea of how hard it is for you. Evan

Being in the midst of an abusive situation, I can understand your position. I do have professional help as I try to navigate my way on this path. Seeing oneself in an abusive situation, and believing it, is only the first step. And a step I take over and over, sometimes many times a day.

Most often abuse is obvious, but no one wants it to be true. In my case, abuse was subtle, so I really didn’t ‘know’. Until I realized that wasn’t true, I did know, and I truly had accepted it as ‘the way it is’. I did have to see the correlation of abuse and the destruction it has caused to make things more real.

Then seeing and believing you can do something about it comes next. It is extremely difficult when the people you may be separating from are long term relations, family members, etc.. The want to repair what is occurring is the greatest detractor in making a change. It is more than hard to believe someone you love and have loved for a very long time, including oneself, have somehow gotten themselves mixed up in abuse. But once you understand that, there is no turning back. I’ve tried. And continue to have the internal arguments with myself, maybe if I do this…

My therapist advises exactly what Evan has advised in this article. The depletion of energy is a big factor putting one in a real catch-22. Specificaly having the energy to accomplish the separation and all that entails. But it is the abuse that depletes one’s energy, very often invisibly.

The reason my therapist and Evan give for making this change is responsibility. If I do nothing, try to stay where I am, I am condoning the abuse because it just does not change by itself nor disappear. Even if I change and the other does not. In not breaking this physical proximity and availability, I actually am perpetuating the abuse, even if I do nothing to actively engage.

There really is nothing harder for me to believe right now. Changing my mind is more than difficult. Know that in saying all this, I am still struggling to convince myself it is all true. It is also difficult to see the only one solution stance, leave. I am struggling to take the necessary actions. For me, it does also mean giving up my home, finding new employment and many other changes I need to navigate as well. Overwhelming hardly describes it sometimes. And heartbreaking, too.

Seeking professional help can be of great benefit I think.

Thanks for taking the time to comment Robert.

Robert