Using the Creator and Destroyer archetypes in us is relatively easy when dealing with stuff. When it comes to relationships it is a little more tricky.
So let me say that I do not think cruelty and callousness have any place in our relationships.
The creator feels a bit easier, so let’s start with it. Habits are useful, they save us time and energy and make our lives easier. Me and my partner have the habit of having a coffee each morning, it helps us have a gentle start to the day, and we both enjoy it. But habits can also lead to us becoming stale.
When our important relationships become too habit bound this can be a problem.
How could I know? One sign would be if it is hard to introduce something new to talk about or to talk about doing something new. Another would be how often you know what the other person is going to say (and you don’t find it interesting or engaging).
When our relationships are like this our Creator needs to be unleashed. Here are some ideas:
- Try swapping roles. (This can be especially helpful if you have the same argument repeatedly.)
- Talk about doing something you have wanted to do but haven’t done.
- Talk about something you have wanted to talk about but haven’t.
- Take a step back from your relationship and see what it is like. You can do this by: thinking of (or writing) a song that describes it, doing a drawing, imagining it as a movie . . . The possibilities are only limited by your imagination. Then you can think about how you would like to see it different: write a new song, change the drawing, imagine a different ending or plot for the movie . . .
So, on to the more difficult one: the Destroyer.
Firstly my value position: if you are in an abusive relationship (sexually or physically or emotionally) you should leave.
The relationship is unlikely to change until there is pressure for change. In this situation it is my position that it can be a very good idea to destroy the relationship.
The Destroyer is also useful to refresh our relationships.
Often there are habits that need to be trashed. It may be that one person’s needs are neglected by well-established routines. (For instance the need to have a little time by oneself when getting home from work.) It may be that habitual ways of speaking were once charming but are now resented. It may be that the way conflicts are resolved needs changing. In all these situations there may be something that needs to be destroyed.
Here are some ideas for unleashing the power of the Destroyer in our relationships. Ask yourself:
- What frustrates me? What will destroying this make room for (what is it that I want).
- Where do I feel stale? What is the new thing I want?
- Where or with whom do I feel suffocated? How can I create room for myself in this relationship?
I hope these suggestions are enough to get you started. Let me know any other suggestions that you have and how you go with these ones.
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