Your candour is very much valued. Thank you very much for sharing your experience.

I’ve had this post and your questions contained within on my mind a lot.

I thought I’d answer some of them. Thanks for the opportunity.

My assumptions have created life changing events, little things that shifted, humble realizations and a sort of balance, although I hadn’t always seen it that way.

About two and a half years ago, I was struggling at my job. It wasn’t because it was difficult, it had a lot to do with my health. I suffer from depression. I decided I had to go to my boss and explain. I assumed after 11 years of employment he would understand it as any other illness affecting a person’s ability. And that my honesty would serve me.

The end result was I assumed wrong. Within 4 months my boss gave me a three week leave of absence from work to “get better” and before I could return, to provide letters of verification from my doctors that I could perform to my “old” standards.

I really had no alternative. None of the people I was treating with (two physicians and a therapist) could provide guarantee letters. Even if one of them were willing to write a semblance of what was required and I tried to go back to work, what then? There were the what ifs hanging all over the place. I pictured one mistake and I’d be fired. My therapist warned me of the personal affect working in such a hostile environment had had on me and it didn’t appear it would be any better under these circumstances. Or the constant stress of scrunity, my own and my employer. Not a good thing to add to what was already my struggle.

I never returned to that job. My assumption to tell the truth, trust my employer with that truth, led to a big life change.

As for the balance, it happened slowly over the next several months. It was improper and illegal for my company to give me an ultimatum concerning the state of my health. I did have to hire an attorney to handle the matter. Rather than go to the expense (emotional, financial and physical) and time of court hearings, we made a small financial settlement agreement, a few months severance pay. I think the balance finally became apparent when I realized that I no longer felt loss over the job, even as I had to depend on my savings for my support.

The other big factor I had to get over was the loss of trust. I think I am still working on that in general in my life. I was able to understand that the relationship I had with my employer never had anything to do with mutual trust. I was the keeper and utilizer of trust, it was something I brought to the table and assumed everyone else did, too.

A big realization based on assumption that hopefully will forever serve me from here on out.

Thanks for your comment.

I agree with you that ‘only one’ or ‘far too many’ is a poor alternative.

I think I need to say more about how to choose. For me this is something I have done (even when I haven’t examined the situation enough and it leads to bad consequences. It has often been my approach to just decide again, not something I can recommend).

If you could say more about how it is that you come to balance I’d be interested to hear. If you, and DrSteve as well, would like to write stuff about this and were happy to, you could do a guest post about it. I think it is a very important issue.

I’ll have a think about my approach and hope to put up something about it next week.

Thanks for taking the time to comment and raise this.

The smart-aleck response is “provisionally”. Seriously, this is a big issue. In general we decide on the basis of our needs and the situation in the time available.

Being paralysed by choice is a serious problem. I guess I should do one or more posts to go into it a bit more deeply. We do need on occasion to cut through the choices available. I find anger can be helpful to find my bottom lines, which can help witht the choosing.

I trust this makes sense. Happy to have further discussion about this, I think it is very important.

I was trying to decide which of the two sides I wanted to be on, or which one I landed in more frequently. The there is no alternative or the too many possibilities side. Dr Steve seemed to point out the inherent difficulties of the too many choices to the point of paralysis. You of course are corect in the only choosing the white, not seeing the black in a given situation.

It is easy to get lost in the grays, especially if one can see quite a few shades therein.

In answer to your question then, I often operate off my own assumptions. I just as often seem to be able to see an infinite number of choices if I open my mind to it leaving me in the position of too many choices and stuck there. My experience is a big indicator to me for the need for balance in discernment and conviction, just not too much that there is no alternative. You’re right, that’s dumb.

Barbara

But if I may jump over that and ask – could one take it so far that one becomes paralysed by it? How do I make a decision if there could always be another explanation, another take on the matter?