I think for me too, when I get to the blank that it won’t leave me alone. I feel that it’s really “no choice” – either stay in a state I don’t like or go on.

Thanks for your comment.

The funny thing about words and impressions, they both can mislead. A lot.

When I read your title, as I’ve said, I got the impression I was scanning the words you wrote trying to ‘fill in’ the blank with an answer, an answer you’d be providing as part of the content of the article.

Only to find out, that’s not what the blank is at all, but a particular stage of experience you were describing.

In answer then to your question, yes, I’ve reached the blank stage plenty of times.

I do work with a therapist which is purposeful and directed work toward change of all sort. I think the first stage of therapeutic work is a combination of awareness and education. Learning to identify what one is seeing currently in their life, experiencing, etc.. Not that either awareness or education ever ‘leave’ the therapeutic process, but kind of inevitable to start there.

That leads directly into the confrontation I think. If I now see the cause of my problem is a lack of maturity about handling a relationship, things I just do not know, for whatever reason. I get to the blank. But first, I hit frustration, maybe. Angry that I’ve lived this long and have learned nothing about relationships. I might want to give up. Why bother, is a common thing I’ve heard myself say. If I haven’t been able to learn this by now, what makes me think I can do it tomorrow?

I think the blank you describe may be equivalent to the ‘I don’t know’ space. I have two choices at that junction. I can just stay with I don’t know and therefore no change, or take some steps into the I don’t know and find out something.

I’ve done both.

The other thing I’ve found is, once I get to I don’t know/blank, that state rarely will leave me alone. Eventually I have to walk forward or continue to be plagued.

So maybe in a different context, I am trying to fill in the blank.

Good article, Evan. Good way I think to talk oneself out of a circle.

I had to resist the urge to read the entire article in order to stay with the question of why I perused rather than read. So I’ve yet to read for that purpose alone.

As I asked myself the question, I got quite a few answers.

I’m often challenged by patience and focus.
I was short on sleep, but past the point where I wanted to try sleeping. So instead of tending to my need, I chose to continue to use the computer to keep myself occupied. A futile effort, it seems.
There was the part of me that didn’t want to be told where wellbeing was going to be found. The know it all part.

It had nothing really to do with the article and everything to do with my own state as I arrived here. I guess I wouldn’t keep reading things to assist if I knew everything! If the past tells me anything at all, I have been patient, believing some things can still come to pass, they’re not ‘gone forever’. And sleep, well there is no better feeling than good sleep. We all just take it for granted, I think, forget how good it is until you haven’t had it for too long.

And now I’ll allow myself to actually read…

I look forward to hearing more.

Evan

My most immediate inclination answer to your question is, I was looking to “fill in the blank”, you posed in the article’s title.

Or maybe it’s the indicator of my own lack of ability to wait!

Will look further for answers…

If you find out I’d like to hear why you were inclined to skim this one. Not that it is your job to satisfy my curiosity – but I would like to know if you want to tell me.

I’ve found that people who are willing to wait with us are very precious gifts.

Thanks for your comment.

I know this is going to sound strange, but I didn’t read this article. I quickly scrolled through it. I’m not even sure why I would have done such a thing. I read when I’m here!

The thing that caught my attention was somewhere near the bottom of the article. You talked about getting support and the importance of finding someone who is willing to just wait. I think that might be the very thing that caused the recent change in the relationship I have with my therapist. It seems I came to know she’s willing to wait, with me, for me, whatever that means to me.

I’ll go back and read the rest, but for now, I’m just going to sit with this for awhile.

Thanks.