Comments on: Our Wellbeing and Our Violence: How to Deal with Our Violent Feelings

By: Evan

Evan — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 19:58:30 +0000

Hi Maudrey,

I’m glad counting to ten works for you – for me it can take a while longer. I do think it is an excellent idea. Thanks for your comment.

Hi Maria,

I think meditation for quieting the mind (such as counting the breath) has the immediate benefit of giving us a sense of stability (I think keeping the anger is good but we need non-violent ways to express it) and a longer-term benefit of giving us more sense of a still centre (from which we can have a greater sense of choice and so be less prone to violence). Other kinds of meditation like Loving Kindness meditation have more benefits as well – it is hard to want to be violent when feeling compassion for the other person.

My personal position is that anger is good, but it’s violent expression isn’t. Anger is useful to let us know that we don’t like something that is going on and to give us the energy to break out or destructure a situation. These can be essential. Much comedy starts with anger. It takes something positive to be sustainable though – anger is good, having to force ourselves to keep being angry I think it stressful and unhelpful.

Hope this makes sense. I know it is a long answer to a short question. Thanks for your comment.

By: Maria | Never the Same River Twice

Maria | Never the Same River Twice — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 15:25:32 +0000

Evan, I’ve definitely had periods of anger management issues in my life! A couple of years ago I discovered Loving Kindness meditation and found that it really helps me forgive the person I’m angry at. What’s your experience with meditation techniques in dealing with anger?

By: Maudrey

Maudrey — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 12:16:16 +0000

This is a great post. I have never been physically violent but my words can get pretty nasty when I’m angry. I once attended a talk where the speaker said that when you feel like you’re about to say something really harsh, count to 10 first so you can calm down. This actually works for me since after counting to 10, I don’t feel like lashing out anymore.

By: Evan

Evan — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 02:39:54 +0000

Thanks Daphne,

I’m glad you liked it. I (being nearly 50) also think that age tends to mellow us.

I’m glad it’s better for you now.

Thanks for your comment.

By: Daphne

Daphne — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 02:21:29 +0000

Hi Evan,

I liked this post, because I sometimes struggle with strong feelings of anger too. It’s much better now though – age does mellow a person!

Your tips for dealing with anger are very sound. For me, space and choice work well. Giving myself space in which to remind myself that though the feeling descended upon me unasked, it’s my choice to continue wading further into the quicksand, usually helps snap me out of it.