A good blog friend of mine, Chris Edgar, has just started an important and worthwhile blog.
It is sorting through the criticisms of the self-help/self-development/personal-growth field. There has been a few books published lately doing this kind of thing.
I am very glad that Chris is doing this – I think that our thinking can get neglected in self-help while emotion and intuition are championed.
The blog is called DevInContext (Development In Context). I hope you will subscribe and contribute to a very important project. The first post is about the ethic of responsibility and whether it encourages self-blame.
Chris’s other blog Purpose Power Coaching is also of consistently high quality.
Would you like to feel less stressed?
Could you do with more joy in your life?
The answer is living authentically. Buy the book or sign up for the course now from my Living Authentically website.
Tags: critical thinking, personal development, responsibility, self-help
Personal Development for Smart People: the conscious pursuit of personal growth by Steve Pavlina
I like Steve Pavlina
I like Steve Pavlina – I like his adrenalin-junkie style. I like how he pushes the boundaries and is always trying stuff (like sleeping twenty minutes every four hours instead in one block as usual). I like that he is willing to step outside the mainstream (exploring non-mainstream sexuality like polyamory). I like that he processes these things and doesn’t tell others that they should be like him (like his ongoing investigation of the diet that works for him). I like that he writes at length and investigates a subject in depth. And I like that even though he writes a lot there is always content in what he says. He may get it wrong, we may want to argue or disagree (even violently) but it is not fluff.
The Book
I like what Steve has tried to do in this book. He has tried to cover the whole field of self-development and come up with a theory to cover all of it. This means that we can test it and find what works or doesn’t. He has put his ideas out there – and made his thinking vulnerable in the process. This is a braver move than testimony: many people relate what worked for them and then say it may work for others. This is undoubtedly true and has integrity. It also is no guide to what may work for others – every person could write their own book like this. Steve’s top-down approach may miss the personal quality and vivid detail of testimony, but it has the virtue of saying that this will work and us being able to find out whether it does or not. We need Steve’s kind of book.
The book is in two sections, the first half lays out the principles, and the second gives the application to various areas of life. Each chapter concludes with exercises you can do.
PART ONE
I like six-sevenths of the basic framework. This basic framework is three concepts and their inter-relationships – these are organised as: the points of a triangle, the three sides of a triangle, and the middle.
The three points are: truth, love and power. In bodily metaphors (mine not his): head, heart and hand. “Power” may be an unfortunate choice of term – what Steve means is that we are able to do what we want to do, he doesn’t mean brute force. It is important to point out that the person is the triangle – not an addition of three points. We are not truth plus love plus power but the entity that is these all at the same time. For me this is a good framework. It is simple enough to be remembered and referred to easily. It is specific enough to offer guidance in the concrete details of our lives.
[The three basic principles however, in my view, fail one of Steve’s criteria: irreducibility. “Irreducibility means that we can’t think of any simpler terms to take account of the experience we are dealing with. To my mind the more basic idea is ‘life’ which I paraphrase as a compassionate joyfulness or a joyful compassion (this is often called ‘flow’ but my terms give more sense of the quality of the experience, for me anyway). Both joy and compassion require engagement with the situation, concern and engagement from the person, as well as an orientation to effective action in the situation. Truth, love and power is an analysis of the more fundamental experience of compassionjoy. I will return to this when I get to the principle of intelligence.]
There is one chapter devoted to each of these terms where they are explored in depth. In the first chapter for instance the key components of truth are given as: perception, prediction, accuracy, acceptance and self-awareness. Each of these aspects is also dealt with, often insightfully. Steve also gives what he sees as the major blocks to truth. There is much substance here. This is a book that you can think about, come back to, and take time to digest.
[I don’t think that ‘acceptance’ is actually a component of truth. I think that this is really what Steve thinks our response to truth should be – once we know what the truth is. This is important in our experience of truth but different to being a component of truth.]
The three points of the triangle give the basic framework: truth, love and power. The sides of the triangle give the combination of each of these two qualities: oneness, authority and courage. Oneness is the combination of truth and love; authority is the combination of truth and power; and courage is the combination of love and power.
This brings us to the seventh aspect of the basic framework, which sits in the centre of the triangle: intelligence. For Steve intelligence is the highest form of human expression. For Steve this is the unified whole of our experience. This is the one seventh of the basic framework that I disagree with.
What Steve means by intelligence is ‘alignment with truth, love and power’. By “intelligence” he means something different to academic cleverness or prodigious memory.
Steve asks us to,
Take a moment to ponder the above definition of intelligence. Does it satisfy your logical mind as well as your intuition? (p.116)
My answer is, “No”. Analytically – intelligence is a different attribute that can be applied to truth, love and power. Power can be exercised stupidly, and love can be well intentioned and dumb. To my way of thinking intelligence is an aspect of truth – understanding differences and relationships between parts and the part and the whole. Intuitively – the combination of truth, love and power (in the sense Steve uses it) is life/flow/joyouscompassion: intelligence is pale and superficial by comparison. For me “intelligence” doesn’t begin to capture the highest form of human expression.
PART TWO
In the second half of the book the general principles are applied to six areas of self-development: habits, career, money, health, relationships and spirituality.
Of these it is money that is the area of my life that I am least happy with, so I’ll examine this chapter as an example of the second half of the book.
MONEY
Each of the six areas in part two has the seven principles applied to it. Steve applies each of the principles to money.
- The truth about money is that it is a social phenomenon – it functions as a resource based on a kind of contract or agreement.
- The principle of love means that we earn money through making a worthwhile contribution to society.
- The principle of power means being responsible for our financial situation and also using money rather than letting it dictate to you – there may be non-financial ways to achieve the lifestyle we desire.
- Oneness means making money by making as big a social contribution as you can: to find the overlap between your personal values and what your society values (what they’ll pay for). This leads to a consideration of fairness – ‘the labourer is worthy of their hire’ (if they are making a worthwhile contribution).
- To develop authority in relation to money may mean educating yourself and trying out new behaviour. Developing authority in the overlap between personal and social values will make it easier to make money.
- Courage means asking for what you’re worth, and sticking with a heart-centred path.
- Finally intelligence and money. This means making intelligent choices to increase the social value you deliver and express yourself creatively.
[All this I can mostly agree with. My big disagreement is that there is social conservatism about it. A flagrant example is that parents caring for children are paid little, if anything, while those who play dress-ups for the movies can be paid millions. Steve’s answer is for the individual to adapt – to find the overlap between their personal and their society’s values. My values say that society – which an individual can influence in a small way – may also need changing.]
I hope this gives a sense of the rigour that Steve has. The principles are worked through to practical application in each area of life. The application is thought through, direct and concrete. I may disagree or want to argue with what is said but I like that there is enough substance and clarity so that I can argue or disagree. The subtitle of the book is, “the conscious pursuit of personal growth” and the clarity and concreteness certainly help to become conscious of the area being addressed.
Overall
Taken as a whole I really like this book. I like that it wants to play a big game and nails its colours to the mast. I like its rigour and the preparedness to lay out principles and say how they apply. It follows up on the subtitle, of being about by the conscious pursuit of personal growth, by being explicit about its own framework and how it applies in a range of areas.
My Problem . . .
. . . with this book is that it is a good book, perhaps even a very good book, just not a great book. (I think Steve has it in him to produce a great book.) I think it is easily one of the best books I have read on personal development. It is far better than most books out there. It is full of useful stuff and practical advice. The analysis and application is intelligent and often subtle.
Self-development for Smart People doesn’t rival Perls, Hefferline and Goodman’s Gestalt Therapy or Pirsig’s Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. I was hoping it would. However, I don’t know of any other books that rival Gestalt Therapy or Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance either. This is a good book, just not the great book that I was hoping for.
Would you like to feel less stressed?
Could you do with more joy in your life?
The answer is living authentically. Buy the book or sign up for the course now from my Living Authentically website.
Tags: love, personal development, power, steve pavlina, truth
Not a very cheery title I know. But it’s not a very cheery subject either. It’s a guest post by me on the Psychology, Philosophy and Real Life blog.
I’m unsure how good it is – I was reaching to deal with stuff that I find very difficult and don’t have a good grasp on yet. It is about pain as a kind of primary physical reaction and the suffering being our response to this. I’m not sure that this distinction is watertight – though it certainly makes sense of some of our experience.
I’d like to hear what you make of it. And especially if you make sense of suffering in some way or even if you think that the attempt to make sense of suffering is completely wrong-headed. Looking forward to hearing from you, Evan.
Would you like to feel less stressed?
Could you do with more joy in your life?
The answer is living authentically. Buy the book or sign up for the course now from my Living Authentically website.
My next eBook will be on Societies Characterised by a Healthy Old Age and what we can learn from them.
This will be backed up by what we know about mind-body medicine and what works to keep us healthy.
I’m excited about it. It’s something of my big book on health. What we know that will maximises our chances of a long and healthy life. It’s a few weeks away so I’ll keep you informed – and there’ll be a few posts on this theme coming up as well.
Stay tuned . . .
Would you like to feel less stressed?
Could you do with more joy in your life?
The answer is living authentically. Buy the book or sign up for the course now from my Living Authentically website.
It’s been a great time in the part of the blogoshpere that I inhabit: lots of excellent posts. So here are some excellent posts that I have found from my travels in the blogosphere lately.
First up a couple of posts from one of my new favourite bloggers, kaushik at beyond karma. First up is a post whose depth is belied by its rather cheeky title A Handbook of Awakening – 36 key tips. While each tip is treated briefly using this post as something to keep working on could really help turn your life around. My favourites are: develop a gentle honesty with yourself, enjoy easy movement and do less enjoy more. My one disagreement – get up early. The second is kaushik’s examination of How do we know what is good for us? This sounds simple but when examined leads into some deep waters and interesting places. This is about unity with essence, similar to what I would call living authentically. It is very worth reading.
To be awake and in unity with essence means (at least) a life of creativity. Luciano at Litemind, uses the four roles from Roger Oech’s A Whack on the Side of the Head, to make creativity more accessible and less mysterious. The four roles (or to my mind stages in the process) are: explorer (being curious, getting lots of input from diverse places); artist (imagining, playing, brainstorming); the judge (sorting the good from the bad, becoming aware of our tendencies and biases); and the warrior (making it real in the real world – innovation takes consistent work). If you feel stuck in some part of your life or with a particular problem then using this process to address it is well worth trying. The post is called Deconstructing Creativity: The 4 Roles You Need to Play to be Fully Creative.
Alex at Unleash Reality challenges the belief in Just Getting By. Alex is a young man and writes a decidedly hip language. This I find delightful and refreshing, for instance he states that, “Limiting beliefs are sneaky little bastards.” Beautifully put. Even better is the next paragraph-long sentence,
They [limiting beliefs] lick their oily fur flat and tuck in their tails so that they can squeeze into shiny neon pixie costumes, sparkly glitter makeup and fairydust perfume hiding their noxious nature, and they fly and flitter their sneakily disguised asses around your shoulder like the fairies in Peter Pan, appearing very tame and well-intentioned and fairy-godmother-like, whispering sugarfrosted lies in your hoodwinked ear about how you can’t be brilliant and how the world is out to get you and there’s nothing you can do about it but settle for what you can get and play it safe and try to get by.
Alex’s writing is always fresh and frequently amusing – and he always has something to say. I recommend Unleash Reality highly.
With a more tone is: You Deplete Me: ten steps to end a toxic relationship. The basic idea is that the need to be completed by someone is the basic problem. The steps are clear and not simplistic. They include deeper stuff (not just staying with surface behaviour), such us #3 Identifying the perks (ie. the ‘benefits’ that the relationship offered you). If you feel you are in a relationship you shouldn’t be then this is an excellent guide to ending it.
Why go to a psychotherapist? For Alex Blackwell it is about Tracing Life Every Other Wednesday – that is, it is about far more than therapy (fixing problems). Alex also lists ten things that he has learned while seeing his therapist. Things like: I don’t have to be perfect to be loved and many choices are still available. It is a good reflection on the value of therapy.
Which brings me to the topic of change: specifically, whether we can get other people to change. This is the topic of You Can’t Force Other People to Change – but you can help them. In this post Ali Hale gives ways to help others change: let them know you value them, ask them what they want, and ask how you can help. Simple? Oh yes. Easy to do? Yes and no. Would it have a major impact on our relationships if we did this? I certainly think so.
For a strong finish to this round-up of excellent posts there is John at storied mind talking about dealing with recovering from depression. While the depression is gone there are still all the ways of living that were developed while depressed to deal with. In this post, Stressing Life by the Rules, John deals with the stress of developing rules to live by – for every situation, in detail! John puts it this way,
Out went the assumption that I was worthless, bad, inadequate, doomed to fail (and on and on), but it’s taken awhile to dismantle the structure of rules that I had created to bind up that bad person.
This post is vividly and personally written. If you are someone who is recovering from depression or know someone who is, it is well worth reading.
That’s the round up from my part of the blogosphere. I think you’ll find it a rich hoard. Let me know what you think in the comments, Evan.
Would you like to feel less stressed?
Could you do with more joy in your life?
The answer is living authentically. Buy the book or sign up for the course now from my Living Authentically website.
Tags: beliefs, changing others, creativity, depression, ending a toxic relationship, enlightenment, limiting beliefs, psychotherapy, rules, toxic relationships
Just a quick personal update from me.
I have only two days of a part-time job left. I have had this for about the past 14 months as well as a full-time job. I intend to never have this kind of life again. Working 6.5 days most weeks is just awful.
I am very glad that this time is coming to an end. So you, and I, would expect I’d feel elated and energised. But I’m actually feeling like doing less not more. I’m feeling: hurry and be on holiday already!
Not exactly a holiday. I still have a few weeks of my full-time job before I can take a holiday. But it will be a huge relief when I do.
This will mean moving cities, putting our stuff in storage at my parent’s place, and then visiting friends.
I plan to keep on blogging – but may be a bit lazier about commenting on other blogs and responding to emails – apologies in advance for any delays in responding.
I hope life is going well with you, it is about to make some definite improvements where I am, Evan.
Would you like to feel less stressed?
Could you do with more joy in your life?
The answer is living authentically. Buy the book or sign up for the course now from my Living Authentically website.
Tags: holidays
There are a couple of ideas that annoy me. The first is that we can do nothing. The second is that we can do everything.
Both seem obviously nonsensical to me. The choices I make (eg whether to treat a friend well or badly) seem to make a big difference to the quality of my life. And there are some things that I can’t change immediately (some problems are way bigger than I can fix on a large scale – like the appalling price of housing in Australia) and there are some things that can’t be done (we can’t feed the world on a Western diet any time soon and maybe never).
In the part of the blogosphere that I hang about in (health and self-development) it is the idea that we can do everything that is the problem – I think it is flat out wrong and can be very depressing to those who take it on and then discover that it is not the case.
This is the subject of my guest post on the Psychology, Philosophy and Real Life blog, it is called Object and Subject: how we participate in creating our experience.
It seems to me that we respond to the situation we are in and we find out how much we can change and what we can do. I don’t think we can know in advance what we are capable of changing and achieving. It is my experience, without exception, that we are capable of doing more than we believe (so long as we are willing to learn and try stuff). I am very optimistic about what individuals can achieve.
I hope you like the post, I’d like to hear what you make of it, Evan.
Would you like to feel less stressed?
Could you do with more joy in your life?
The answer is living authentically. Buy the book or sign up for the course now from my Living Authentically website.
Tags: creativity, experience, external, internal, reductionism
Just a quick link to a post on mindfulness and pain management. It gives specific instances of the practices the author uses to manage pain and also mentions unhelpful advice (which lacks compassion). If you are managing chronic pain – or know someone who is – I think this is well worth reading.
Would you like to feel less stressed?
Could you do with more joy in your life?
The answer is living authentically. Buy the book or sign up for the course now from my Living Authentically website.
Tags: chronic pain, managing pain with mindfulness, mindfulness, pain, pain management
