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At the moment I am working in a nursing home. Someone being in a nursing home usually means that they are unable to care for themselves. They are not representative of the general population of old people, but are towards the less able end of the spectrum.
I have found this less confronting and depressing than I thought I would. There have been a couple of incidents that have brought home the reality of dying to me. Just after I had started work there I asked one person how they were going and they said, “Just getting ready to die”. Another incident. One woman said, “I spent the night practising dying – just letting go, and then they wake me up to give me the pills”.
Working in this situation means that dying is ordinary.
I have been surprised that I have got used to the dying fairly readily. Day to day my attention is on the individuals and what they are like. This applies even to those with severe dementia. Some older people are nicer than others. Even among those who are severely demented, some are much nicer than others.
• Being with these old people has brought home to me that our lives are not so much about achievement. These are just memories.
• It has brought home to me the reality of our physicality. Old age is an experience of fragility.
• It has brought home to me the advantages of having enough money. Life can be much more comfortable with money (in Australia, thankfully, it isn’t a matter of life and death – usually).
Living with dying has meant that I’ve come to value the ‘trivia’ more – being kind and considerate in little ways. It has also meant that I have taken steps to have a healthy old age – walks and doing tai chi (I have found a good class at last!).
I would like to know if you have lived with dying. If so how it has affected you. I’d like to hear your experience in the comments on this post.
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