The way to separate the sexual from power over is very tricky. With some intelligent support I think it can be done. Some parts of the men’s movement tried it. But I think there are very few places where people can try out behaviour that is so new in a safe way.

Perhaps it could become part of marriage education courses. Men finding out that women also like their boyishness and not their machismo could be a helpful insight to many I think. Keen to hear any ideas you have. If we can have workshops for tantra why not for this kind of thing as well?

Thanks again for commenting.

I do find this a fascinating topic.

I think a lot of men talk alot of nonsense about how overpowering their urges are. Most people seem to manage their sexuality without raping anyone.

My own view is that rape is about power not sex. If sex is the only arena where people feel powerful this says much about our culture. I think the desires for sex and power are quite different – though I realise the confusion is often presented as normal.

I would love to see adolescence become a time of rich sensuality, characterised by learning massage and many hugs. I think this would solve lots of problems with sexuality.

I’d like to keep thinking about this whole issue of re-directing our energy. Maybe you will too.

To subscribe to comments there is a button in the Meta section in the left scroll bar and at the end of the post there is a ‘follow comments via RSS’ – these are obviously not prominent enough.

Many thanks for your comment.

In passing I had heard about these ideas and practices from Eastern philosophy but for some reason I never put two and two together and arrived at the conclusion that people redirect this energy from the sexual act and end up in celibacy of choice.
I am actually extremely eager to try out these practices now that I have heard them expressed. My problem with male sexuality as it exists is twofold:
a) To a large extent we are slaves to it. We have no control over our urges which express themselves multiple times during the day. I think, it’s not just when you are having sex that you aren’t doing something else. That mental space taken away by lust is space that can also be used for other purposes. Now combine this with the fact that:
b) For most men, sex doesn’t come that easy: So here we have this person experiencing many sexual urges a day which take space and time away from other things and they are not having sex. Hence the ridiculously high popularity of porn and external sexual stimulation which also takes time away from other pursuits.
c) For men who do have a lot of sex regularly, there’s never enough and they end up in exactly the same situation as the person above.
d) On a more serious note, if people knew how to habitually and automatically sublimate could you think of how much lower the rape rate would be. As I expressed in our little discussion, a lot of men use sex as among other things an expression of power and dominance and I think if people could take this sexual energy and desire for power and direct it to more constructive endevour we would have a win win situation all round.

My 0.02
Btw, you should get the subscribe to comments plugin so we can know when you have replied to our comments.
Thanks for the invitation to your online abode.