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It is very common advice to re-direct our sexual energy into other things. This is advised by such people as Napoleon Hill in the Western success literature and in traditional Eastern disciplines such as yoga and tai chi. Freud calls it ‘sublimation’.
In the traditional Eastern disciplines there is much guidance about how to do this and there are checks and balances. These also include techniques for increasing this energy – and at least one martial artist, Bruce Frantzis, an American (see his Opening the Energy Gates of Your Body) – was warned about the dangers of these practices for young males. In the West there isn’t this kind of detail or advice.
I have never pursued a martial or spiritual discipline that involved this. I can’t speak from personal experience about the practice. So this post is just me examining this whole notion from an outsiders point of view. This post was inspired by a post by Mwangi, whose blog is The Displaced African, and our exchange in the comments. It is a response to his invitation to set down what I think about this.
1. A couple of initial observations.
First, many people live long and healthy lives who do not restrict their sexuality.
Second, you can’t do two things at once. If you are engaging sexually then you are not selling to customers (unless you are in one specific line of business) or pursuing a sport. At this common sense level the truth is undeniable. We have so much energy and time in a day. The amount devoted to sex isn’t spent on something else. It’s undeniable that not spending time in sex (or raising children) allows you to do other things.
2. But the idea of re-directing sexual energy has more in mind than this. It is the idea of substituting one satisfaction for another. To put it crassly: doing a good business deal is positively orgasmic. I do see some truth in this, both can feel good, triumphal, ecstatic even. But I also am rather uncomfortable with it.
My discomfort with this approach is because it seems to assume that our energy is only a quantity without any qualities. Our energy is seen as a neutral force that can be directed into any channel that we wish.
My first problem with seeing our energy as a neutral force is: in that case why is it so difficult? (All those who advocate the re-direction of sexual energy recognize the difficulty of doing it.) Perhaps the difficulty means that this energy has a quality – a way of expression that is ‘natural’.
My second problem is: our energy seems to have different qualities – our emotions seem to me to retain their nature (even when they are expressed differently). Our anger does not need to be expressed violently but does retain its nature of aggression (by de-structuring or opposing). Why then should sexual lust be different?
3. Sex means different things. For most of us, most of the time, I suspect, sex is about more than the orgasm. Sex with someone is different to masturbation. Sex fulfills more than our ‘sexual’ needs. The other needs I think are things like: touch, fun, recognition and intimacy. There are other possibilities too: a sense of achievement at getting better at something, or filling in time in an enjoyable way, for instance.
My feeling from those advocate re-directing sexual energy is that their idea of sexuality is pretty much confined to the orgasm. In the Eastern disciplines, this is more or less explicit – there is much advice (for men) on how to orgasm without ejaculating. This has led to these ideas being popular in the West for pretty much exactly the opposite purpose for which they were developed.
I’m uncomfortable with reducing sex to the level of physical bodily fluids.
4. Does it work?
Some celibate individuals certainly end up with a joyousness and hospitality that is remarkable. On the other hand, some don’t. And there are people who have these qualities who aren’t celibate. It may be that it is possible to develop these qualities without the sexual restraint.
Is sexual frustration meant to be the energy? The drivenness of the Western businessman (and we are mostly talking about men) does seem to have this quality on occasion. But the Eastern traditions are interested in developing tranquility – not the kind of nervous energy associated with the Western way of doing business. So I think that sexual abstention, at least for westerners without a guide, abstinence could just lead to frustration and more fretfulness. This is hardly desirable to my way of thinking.
5. My tentative conclusions.
I think the re-direction of sexual energy will be difficult for Western males (especially young ones) who don’t have the advantage of guidance from people who have experience.
I’m not convinced it is necessary. Those who practice sexual restraint aren’t always more compassionate or joyful.
Depending on how it is done I have some concern that it may violate our emotional lives. Without having engaged in the practice myself I can’t be sure about this.
I’m very interested to hear others’ views on this. I’m still thinking it through. Especially if you have pursued this practice I’d love to hear how it affected you. Please comment.
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Tags: sexual energy, sublimation
My opinions on the matter are as tentative, fresh and flawed as any you will hear:
In passing I had heard about these ideas and practices from Eastern philosophy but for some reason I never put two and two together and arrived at the conclusion that people redirect this energy from the sexual act and end up in celibacy of choice.
I am actually extremely eager to try out these practices now that I have heard them expressed. My problem with male sexuality as it exists is twofold:
a) To a large extent we are slaves to it. We have no control over our urges which express themselves multiple times during the day. I think, it’s not just when you are having sex that you aren’t doing something else. That mental space taken away by lust is space that can also be used for other purposes. Now combine this with the fact that:
b) For most men, sex doesn’t come that easy: So here we have this person experiencing many sexual urges a day which take space and time away from other things and they are not having sex. Hence the ridiculously high popularity of porn and external sexual stimulation which also takes time away from other pursuits.
c) For men who do have a lot of sex regularly, there’s never enough and they end up in exactly the same situation as the person above.
d) On a more serious note, if people knew how to habitually and automatically sublimate could you think of how much lower the rape rate would be. As I expressed in our little discussion, a lot of men use sex as among other things an expression of power and dominance and I think if people could take this sexual energy and desire for power and direct it to more constructive endevour we would have a win win situation all round.
My 0.02
Btw, you should get the subscribe to comments plugin so we can know when you have replied to our comments.
Thanks for the invitation to your online abode.
Hi Mwangi,
I do find this a fascinating topic.
I think a lot of men talk alot of nonsense about how overpowering their urges are. Most people seem to manage their sexuality without raping anyone.
My own view is that rape is about power not sex. If sex is the only arena where people feel powerful this says much about our culture. I think the desires for sex and power are quite different – though I realise the confusion is often presented as normal.
I would love to see adolescence become a time of rich sensuality, characterised by learning massage and many hugs. I think this would solve lots of problems with sexuality.
I’d like to keep thinking about this whole issue of re-directing our energy. Maybe you will too.
To subscribe to comments there is a button in the Meta section in the left scroll bar and at the end of the post there is a ‘follow comments via RSS’ – these are obviously not prominent enough.
Many thanks for your comment.
I see the subscribe to comments section now. In many parts of the world, including the country I came from and many rural societies all over the world, men have been so emasculated and beat down by the system that in truth this is the only power a lot of them seem to have.
And even when it isn’t the only way to express power, a large proportion of the world is still quite chauvinistic and macho in terms of how men relate to women.
I guess I am in ways going after the same goal you are i.e. where power and sexuality are divided and sexuality is only used as a positive expression.
As to how to do it….considering the levels of testosterone and machismo in a lot of males, I would actually go the route of conditioning males towards connecting power and self control to positive expressions of sexuality….hmmm, I feel at this point I have become a little too abstract so I’ll leave it there.
The comments subscription RSS link is quite hidden…the subscribe to comments plugin is definitely the best way to go….in the case of my blog, to this day, I still have more people subscribed to my comments than to my blog via email.
Thanks Mwangi.
The way to separate the sexual from power over is very tricky. With some intelligent support I think it can be done. Some parts of the men’s movement tried it. But I think there are very few places where people can try out behaviour that is so new in a safe way.
Perhaps it could become part of marriage education courses. Men finding out that women also like their boyishness and not their machismo could be a helpful insight to many I think. Keen to hear any ideas you have. If we can have workshops for tantra why not for this kind of thing as well?
Thanks again for commenting.