What may be happening for the empaths who are narcissists is that they get scared. The connection happens without their intention, they get scared and retreat into their own feeling world because of the strength of feeling from others. What do you think?

The reason I googled this was because of certain individuals who really annoy me. I find they are extremely empathetic and intuitive of other’s feelings or oppinions, but they are also so self-centered and self-absorbed in their own feelings that I often begin to think violent thoughts about them. this is a half joking statement. And yes, they often claim to be empaths or empathetic to others and feeling their pain. And even act like they are nice people in doing the “right thing”. They are usually extremely charismatic and charming. And many mutual acquaintances seem to like them and think highly of them, that they are “such kind and strong people with such highly attuned sensitivities.” But I am flabbergasted because all I see is someone who is super-self-centered and always puts their feelings before or above the situations of others and who can only relate to others’ experiences in terms of how the person makes them feel.

Now I am not saying I am some saint. I definitely have my selfish moments. And there are people who I find are truly empathetic and still are able to manage varying degrees of compassion as well in such a way as not to be completely annoying to me. but gosh. I know plenty of aspergers who have more compassion and ability to connect with others than these particular “empaths”. This leads me to the opinion: Empathy without Compassion is really a form of narcissism and utterly useless except in its ability to frustrate and confound those who seek genuine human understanding and connectivity. My words sound kinda harsh and critical I suppose. But I find it annoying that what is blatantly obvious to me is so undetected in the seeming majority of those around me. Does anyone reading this rant understand exactly what I am getting at here…?

I am currently in a relationship that has had me question this very concept of the difference between compassion and empathy. When asked, my partner can recognize the anguish that others go thorough. And yet on the other hand, she is not able to suggest even the simplest of solutions that might provide comfort for that same person. This has frustrated me to no end as I desperately need her to invest herself into action, as recognition that she understands (either for me or for others). Where we may find similar interest in hobbies, food, and…, it all becomes meaningless without that deeper connection that comes from truly understanding someone and wanting to interact at that level. I propose that this is the concept of intimacy.

Consequently, would it not be correct to then say that the meaning of compassion is that intimate part of ourselves that we give to others when we empathize over someone else’s dilemma?

Bill

I had a similar situation with my wife. I won’t bore you with the detail but it boiled down to her using emotional control techniques to get her own way. Having done everything I could to oblige her I eventually told her that I had given her everything that I had to give, I had nothing left. She got the message that she had pushed me to breaking point and if she didn’t change she would lose me. She changed overnight. She’s still prone to being moody but I’ve developed a tougher skin and she knows that I won’t ‘roll over’ any more. I leave her to think it through rather than bend over backwards to try to please her and given the space and time she’s usually the one who wants to make up.

In a nutshell, I toughened up! It save our marriage and my kids still have their dad.

All the best,
Paul