Comments on: How to Deal with Your Perfectionism

By: Evan

Evan — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 08:05:42 +0000

Hope it helps. Evan

By: Pamela

Pamela — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 02:02:26 +0000

Thank you Evan.
Plenty there for me to consider and work with.

Pamela.

By: Evan

Evan — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 10:59:47 +0000

Hi Pamela,

Yes I am saying that you can learn to give yourself these things – and others too. Because I don’t know you I can’t really give specifics. Finding that we wanted is/was impossible can bring different reactions, I didn’t want to say what yours would/should be, so left the sentence unfinished.

If you feel there is sabotage present, then there is a reason for it. Some part of you doesn’t want something (financial success?). In relation to money: from doing an exercise suggested by Albert the UrbanMonk I discovered a belief that if I became wealthy I would be all alone. As soon as I saw this consciously I realised it was wrong – my friends are much better than this. It may be that the sabotage is keeping you from working too hard or something else. “Love your disease, it’s keeping you healthy” probably isn’t the whole story, but does have its element of truth.

I think the way to get beyond the sabotage is to get to know it. Most problem behaviour has a healthy motivation – just an unhelpful expression – in my experience.

Hope this makes sense. Please feel free to comment further.

By: Pamela

Pamela — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 01:19:46 +0000

Thank you Evan.
Please elaborate on your second paragraph …
It may be that this something was possible to get (rewards for behaviour etc) or impossible to get (approval from a parent who wouldn’t approve of us). It is also possible sometimes to get for ourselves (from ourselves or others) what we wanted then (affection, specific instruction, nice hugs etc); but sometimes it is impossible and we need to grieve/rant/rage etc.

Possible to get …… money
Impossible to get …. verbal acknowledgement, verbal affection. attention
Are you saying that I can learn to give myself – verbal acknowledgement, verbal affection. attention?
Of course I can make my own money – however I’ve created a significant financial loss – would suggest that some sort of virulently negative belief and self-sabotage is at play. How to get beyond that? Feel like a labyrinth.
You didn’t finish your sentence. Please let me know if you would like to

Pamela

By: Evan

Evan — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 08:00:09 +0000

Hi Pamela, it sounds like you are dealing with a lot of stuff. From what you say in this comment it sounds like the “something inside that feels I have to live up to something” is the core issue for you.

These kinds of feelings usually come from our childhood. Usually the living up to something is to get something. It may be that this something was possible to get (rewards for behaviour etc) or impossible to get (approval from a parent who wouldn’t approve of us). It is also possible sometimes to get for ourselves (from ourselves or others) what we wanted then (affection, specific instruction, nice hugs etc); but sometimes it is impossible and we need to grieve/rant/rage etc.

I hope these generalities offer some ideas for ways out or at least stimulate some thoughts for you. Please let me know if you would like to. Wishing all the love that can’t be through the ether. Evan

By: Pamela

Pamela — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 07:48:45 +0000

Reading over my entry now and it sounds dramatic however it’s true. It’s also true that there are wonderful things in my life however clearly there is major dissatisfaction with my working life and my ability to provide for myself. Perfectionism has me by the tits. A kind of lock jaw. Been functioning on should for a long time. Could use some more faith in myself. Curiously the inner directive that I MUST do certain things is derailing me. Hopefully the world will appear brighter in the morning. Feels like I have something inside that feels I have to live up to something – an impossible task. Unreachable. Alongside that is low self esteem and low self worth. How to get out of that prison? Pamela

By: Pamela

Pamela — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 07:40:42 +0000

I’m an emotional mess at the moment.
Have $92,000 in a carried over loss from a business I no longer want to do.
I don’t know how to move forward.
Have to make a decision. It’s been hanging around a long time, been putting it off. Going broke. Don’t know what to do. I feel inadequate. Unconsciously wanting other people to make the decision for me. My life is a mess.

By: Cathymarie

Cathymarie — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 19:11:43 +0000

A perfectionist for some people are only just one of the things that leads to good leadership but along with that personality and humor blends with a good open minded person. I currently work with children for 26 years and there is one simple thing I have learned which took me 12 years to understand. It’s not what you say to the children that matters or to your fellow co-workers, but it’s what you make of who you are by demonstration and honest leadership that will take a fair balance in your work life. A phrase I use most common when need to be said. There are three types of people in this world.

Those that watch things happend
Those that make things happend and
Those that wondered what happened

Which one are you???????????? And leave that statement alone. You will be surprised of that feed back from your friends but it somehow sends a strong message that we all must think carefully what we say about others and learn the simple way of suvival ship in any relationship. RESPECT

Cathymarie